I know this is long, but honestly it is a very important read. I’ve been sitting on this, consulting with other staff, and getting feedback and notes for weeks but now is the time to get this out there.
(Please note that in this post/notecard the words “Tiki Town” refers to not only Tiki Town proper, but La Cuna, all private huts, islands, homes, and any areas rented by others that are in the “Schindleria” estate, as well as any events taking place in these locations.)
Today I want to address, in rather blunt terms, the issue of age play and how we handle it at Tiki Town. First, let me start with the obvious; Age play is against the Second Life Terms of Service and is a bannable offense, meaning Linden Labs can and will ban your account. It is also against our rules and Code of Conduct at Tiki Town and as such is an estate and group bannable offense, meaning you will lose access to our groups, lands, and events. This is simple stuff folks, just don’t do it. Ever. This statement should be the end of the disucssion, but sadly we need to go a little deeper.
Lots of you know that some of our residents and regulars have recently been banned from SL for age play. In some cases, maybe the banned party was doing it on the regular and thought they were “being safe” about it. In other cases, we KNOW that a banned party was incited into it in the middle of an ERP scene by a bad actor. Sure they went along with it in the moment and paid the price, but the bad actor wasn’t punished. The take away is that there are people who come to Tiki Town thinking they’re gonna find age play here, or to try to incite you into age play just to get you banned, or to try to damage our reputation. And frankly, the end result is that some people are up to no good and only want to hurt you.
So how can you stay safe? Well, there is only one way; don’t engage in age play. Honestly, don’t engage in anything that is against LL/SL TOS, but for the purposes of this discussion when it comes to age play, just don’t do it. If you feel that you simply must do it, don’t do it at Tiki Town. In fact, you may want to reconsider if the Tiki Town community is right for you. That aside, let’s explore this issue a bit more.
This is where things may get uncomfortable, but honestly I’m sick and tired of tip-toeing around this issue, and I’m not alone there.
1) Minors are NEVER allowed at Tiki Town.
When we say that minors aren’t allowed at Tiki Town, we mean EVERYWHERE. This includes all our regions and spaces including La Cuna and private homes/parcels you rent from us. Just because you think you’re in a hidden space like your tiki hut or house on an island doesn’t mean you can’t be seen. While we don’t go around looking to police what you’re doing, in the course of normal Tiki Town operations we may stumble across you in a secluded space or your home. If we see obvious minors we’re gonna ask them to leave. And frankly, if we see you engaged in sex with them, we very well may show you the door without much discussion or a refund. Now think about it. If one of the staff can see you at random, how “safe” are you? Lindens can see into any parcel, anytime, anywhere. They can read your chats, log all chat including local, group, and IM. They can go back weeks, months, even years into your chat history to see what you’ve been up to. They know who you are with, who you are sitting on furniture with, and all that. Still think you’re “safe”? Still willing to risk it? Well, that’s up to you but we don’t want it at Tiki Town. Plain and simple.
So no matter if it’s your RP/SL kid, sibling, cousin, friend, whatever, if they are under 18 they can’t be here. Think of it like going into a strip club RL. You can’t take your kids in there, so you can’t take them in here either.
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2) So just what is “age play”?
Now, one area of confusion seems to be the difference between the kinks/fetishes of “age play” and “age difference”. People often conflate these terms and erroneously use them interchangeably. Tiki Town is a community that caters to “Mature and Young” (M&Y) play among our residents, visitors, and regulars. In this context, M&Y refers to age difference between ADULTS.
For example, many of the females who frequent Tiki Town represent themselves as adults between the ages of 18 and 29, while many of the males represent themselves as adults 45 and older. From a kinks/fetishes perspective, this would be age difference and is, as of this writing, allowed behavior in SL as it is in RL. Bluntly put, some men and women enjoy romantic and/or sexual relationships with one or more partners who are (often much) older or younger than they are. The key take away here is that these relationships are between ADULTS where ALL parties involved are 18 years of age or older.
On the other hand, age play would be a situation where a romantic and/or sexual relationship is taking place and any party involved is representing themselves as a minor, meaning under the age of 18. This is prohibited by Linden Labs as well as Tiki Town rules. Linden Labs defines age play at this link: https://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/Linden_Lab_Official:Clarification_of_policy_disallowing_ageplay but also calls out specific behaviors here https://www.lindenlab.com/legal/second-life-terms-and-conditions in section 4, subsections vii and viii. This post is already going to be long, so I’m not going to repost those policies here, but you SHOULD make yourself familiar with them (and all LL/SL policies, codes, and terms) as they govern your very existence in Second Life. Bluntly put, age play is when two or more parties in a physical, romantic, and/or sexual relationship are appearing/representing themselves as children under the age of 18. Don’t do it. It’s not welcome at Tiki Town.
So to recap, age difference between adults is fine, and even encouraged at Tiki Town. Age play involving anyone who is a minor is NOT fine and will get you banned.
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3) Let’s talk about avatar appearance.
One of the most common areas of discussion we have with new visitors to Tiki Town is what the “standards” are for an avatar appearing as an adult. This isn’t surprising since many M&Y sims cater to petite avatars. While I’m not going to get into the technical, psychological, or social reasons why, we all know that in SL there is a wide-spread misconception about what an “adult” looks like, especially among female avatars. The general consensus is that unless you’re 7+ feet tall with wide hips, a large butt, and giant breasts, you’re clearly a child. We all know this isn’t the case and even all the mesh body creators have made add-ons or bodies for people who want petite choices.
At Tiki Town, we have a very simple policy on avatar appearance. Firstly we insist that any avatar be at least 1.55 meters (or 5 feet 1 inch) in height. We provide tools to measure yourself at the main resort including a ruler and a guide prim you can stand in or next to. This height (with the exception of some genetic conditions) is on the short side of the scale for most adults in real life. Furthermore, it seems to be part of the acceptable height range for an adult avatar with regards to Linden Labs’ scale. We’ve chosen this as the minimum height and that’s that. Full stop.
Secondly, we judge an avatar’s appearance based on what they are wearing, their modes of speech, and general behavior (such as gestures and animations). The reason for this is directly related to Linden Labs policy on age play, specifically:
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“In some cases there may be an element of subjectivity as to whether an avatar (or other image) appears to be a minor. Objective factors which will be used to decide, including whether an avatar has childlike facial features, is child-sized, has clothing or accessories generally associated with children, and whether, based on the circumstances, an avatar is speaking or acting like a child (“My Mommy says…”).”
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There is some level of subjectivity around “cute” vs “kid” clothing, accessories, and so on. The bottom line is that Tiki Town staff look at all factors as a whole when determining if your avatar appears “plausibly 18+” and almost never makes this decision unilaterally. We generally will discuss among ourselves if a questionable/borderline avatar meets our standards. This internal discussion guides us in making the decision to IM someone about their appearance and ask them to make changes, or in some cases ask them to leave.
Modes of speech are less concerning to us as many adults use terms like “Daddy” in M&Y play, but if other phrases indicate an avatar may not be an adult, we’ll ask about it. This includes excessive “baby talk”, over use of “innocence” as an RP device (i.e “what’s a penis?”, etc), or anything else we deem to be child-like speech. Again, this will get you an IM asking to you stop or leave.
The bottom line here is if you look like a kid, dress like a kid, and/or act like a kid, we’re gonna inquire about it and ask you modify. This includes mesh bodies and accessories that are commonly associated with child avatars.
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4) Your profile and groups say a lot about you, as they should.
Lastly, we look at things like profile content and groups. Rarely will one piece of this content lead us to a decision, but often several pieces will. For example, there are many widely known places/groups where age play takes place. LL knows about them and you often hear about governance Lindens being in these places banning people on the regular. While I won’t list these groups, we know about several of them and if you’re in them and they are visible in your profile, that can be a factor.
Also picks with photos or text depicting your avatar as a “little” or discussing things that could be construed as age play related are factors as well. We have implemented a new policy stating if you are in any of these “family safe” or “all ages nude beach” or similar groups that you hide these groups in your profile when at Tiki Town.
Many “all ages” places require that you hide your adult groups while you are there, so to us this is no different. We do this as the visibility of some of these groups may lead people to believe you are not an adult, or are looking for age play. Of course both of these things are not allowed at Tiki Town.
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5) Changes, compliance with staff direction, and generally respecting our rules.
So what kinds of modifications do we ask for when we feel your avatar doesn’t meet our standards? The most common one is if we feel you are just on the edge of “plausibly 18+” and not appearing too childish/childlike, we’ll ask you to state your age in your profile. This can be specific (i.e “I’m 25 RL, 18 SL”) or more general (i.e “RL and SL 18+”) depending on what you’re comfortable with. We may ask you to hide certain groups in your profile if we believe they may “give signals” that you’re open to age play. In some cases, we may ask you to modify your shape or change your clothing to meet our requirements. And yes, in some cases no amount of modification will help and we will simply ask you to leave.
Let me be clear here. In ALL cases, staff direction to you about modifying ANY appearance, behavior, or other aspect of your participation at Tiki Town is mandatory. We do not make these requests of people lightly or on a whim, so when we do it please comply or leave. Full stop.
The bottom line on this part? Don’t come to Tiki Town looking or acting like a minor (yes, that means anyone under 18). If staff asks you to make a change, make it. If you’re not comfortable doing that, leave. Also, when we ask for a change, it’s not up for debate. None of this “everyone else is too tall” or “what about the person over there” stuff. The fastest way to get shown the door? Argue with staff about changes we ask for.
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Now all this may seem restrictive, maybe even a little draconian to some people. While we respect everyone’s opinion on this, we do it to keep you, ourselves, and Tiki Town, safe. While we want Tiki Town to be comfortable, friendly, and welcoming to everyone there are those who we simply do not need as part of our community. Minors are some of those people, age players are some of them as well.
I can hear many of you now… “But I don’t engage in age play! Other people say bad things in RP so what do I do?”
This the best advice we have:
First, and especially with new partners, establish a context in your play that outlines your RP age. This can be done very easily in emotes and not disrupt the flow of the scene. A simple example would be along the lines of “/me lays back, her supple 20 year old body laid bare before you”. Also feel free to throw in phrases like “barely legal” if you’re playing 18/19. You can keep things spicy and accentuate the age difference (if that’s what’s turning you on) while not opening the door for your partner to engage in age play.
What if you’re engaged in conversation or play with someone who suggests anything age play related? First of all, STOP right when it happens. An example we’ve heard about several times is someone will, mid sex, say “yeah you’re ’18’, sure. how old are you really?”, or will even be so brash as to say “come on, you look (some age under 18) to me”. Another possible red flag is if they refer to you as “little girl”. Was there context to establish your age first? In some Daddy/bbg play this phrase is apporpriate with context. Out of the blue, it could be leading to something else.
If someone pulls that kind of stuff, STOP the conversation, or play/scene right there and then. Tell them you are an adult, never anything less, and that you’re done. If you’re on furniture with them, stand up. TP out of the area, even if they are in your home. Block them if they won’t leave you alone. Next, let someone on the security team or other staff know it happened. While TOS doesn’t allow for copy-paste of private conversations, you can in your own words tell us what happened, when, where, and who you were with. Pass this to one of us in a notecard if no staff is around. We’ll investigate to the best of our ability and take appropriate action to keep Tiki Town and its people safe. Lastly, if you feel strongly enough about the incident, report it to LL using the Help > Report Abuse menu in your viewer. That’s really up to you and how much you trust the Lab to handle it. So to recap, paraphrasing the old fire advice:
Stop: The conversation, scene, play, sex, etc ends RIGHT when someone says anything age play related.
Drop: Are you on some pose with them? Get off it and drop them like a bad habit.
Roll: TP out of the area.
Tell: Let staff know what happened in your own words. Include the who, what, where, and when of it.
Teresa, Kytanna, and others have worked hard over the years to give us a beautiful, welcoming, friendly place to enjoy community, play together, and enjoy our fantasies in SL, but it is all of YOU, our community, that makes Tiki Town what is it. Help us protect all that we have here by not doing dumb stuff. We don’t like to have a lot of rules, but in this case it’s needed. Thanks for your compliance and understanding!
